Too much of a good thing is an awesome thing.

Well, it's been 55 weeks, but I'm posting again. I don't know if I'm going to start posting regularly, but I will post this once, at least. You know, to quell the rumors of my death. And those further rumors of my embarrassing zombie resurrection.

Ok, a recap of my condition.

* I'm dating Kate Warner. She is my love. I've found my love!! She treats me very, very well. We love supporting each other. She's very smart, she's funny (usually :-p), and most importantly, she leans on and seeks after the Lord. Though both of us experience trials, neither of us are alone in them, as the Lord is always near, and we can typically count on the support of each other. Even in the times when we are both incapacitated, our love pulls us together and acts as mutual supports. I love Kate Warner!!

* I'm still working at the Olive Garden. It's been slow lately, but I still make a decent wage. My co-employees complain more and more each day about everything; I try to keep my mouth shut about most things, as my responses aren't often meant to be helpful. The management is feeling nice and complacent, so my fellows have more room to slack... ain't how it used to be. All things considered, I have come to the resolution that I love my job, and have no need or desire to change it in the near future.

Speaking of work, I must be going. I don't have a legal vehicle right now (I'll explain later), so I have to walk to work, which wouldn't be so bad if Peach street had accessible sidewalks in the winter. Tah!

--michael

Still not sure when I'm moving.
Still working solely at the Garden. I'm actually getting overtime for once.
I'm going to be working with the Tim to set up a budget for myself.
I'm going to be playing pool with Amy sometime!
Jes and I need a steady, reliable, available bass player and drummer. Know any?
I'm house sitting for my parents right now.
I had some dreams today, but I can't remember them.
I want to print out all the poetry I have on the net and make a portfolio of sorts... for my own sake.
I want to go to a Steel Train show.
I should get snow tires.
I should get new brakes.
I would love to move now... I'm still saving money and preparing myself. Mostly, I'm saving money. I need to emphasize to Sir Toddleby that my presence will diminish soon.
I want some brandy.
I don't want a cigarette.
I'll probably have a glass of wine.
I'm enjoying my sabbath.
I wrote the beginnings to a song. My fingers hurt.
I was attacked by unhappy things sunday. There was prayer; the things left. I felt wierd all day.
work work work. work work, work work. work work work, work. work work. work work work... work work work work work. work work... PLAY!!! Zen.
A centipede is crawling on the basement floor, but I thought I was imagining it. I was wrong.
The enter button is sticking. No sir, I don't like it.
I'm going to be a full fledged adult soon. I don't know when, but soon.
I miss Dave.
I miss Jon.
I miss Grandma.
There is so much that I want to accomplish. Will I ever get the chance to do it all?
It's not a centipede, it's a millipede.
The times, they are a-changin'.
I watched "No End in Sight." It's a documentary on the Iraq war. I cried.
I thought a book of my CD's was removed from my car without my permission by an unknown source. Turns out the book was beneath some detritus. Rejoice.
I would like a tatoo.
I would like to not be mad at the general population. Alas.
I would like to buy a winter coat, boots, and gloves soon. I would also like to get a haircut. The end.

--michael

I suppose that since I have a livejournal account I'll use it.

I hope all are doing well. I myself have been doing, depending on when you catch me, somewhere between extremely content, hyper/awesome, and absurdly depressed. I'm good in a nutshell.

It's been several dozen weeks since my last real update. Consequentially, I have a bit o' news.

I've found another apartment, and will be moving away from Todd in the months to follow. (concerning Todd: Well, it's been a trip, but it's time for me to blow. I'll hit you later, bud.) A certain season in my life is ending, and I've been feeling the need to move into a more suitable living situation. I prayed about it, and it didn't take long before this place was made known to me through a friend. This apartment is a one bedroom place in Cambridge Springs (where my father lived at one point). The house is over one hundred years old, I've been told, and is spacious enough and interesting enough for me. I love it. I'll be living above good friends, too, so even though I'll be living alone, I won't be lonely. I can't wait, but I'm going to.

I'm pretty sure I'm getting a second job at Oh, Charlie's. I believe I'll be working as a dishwasher. This may be good for me, and will give me a good opportunity to possibly build a cooking career. I'll be working with Jaime, too, so things will probably be really cool. Also, I'll be training for a server position next week at the Garden. Serving will be much better then bussing, which sucks. Better money, less lifting and carrying, more interaction with people (which I excel at).

Well, that's all the time I got. More later. Maybe. Until then, practice writing with your less dominant hand.

--michael

Super sonic overdrive
overshot and underthought
troubled, shooting, airwaves
hot with flames in my veins,
I flow through today
Though paranoid I think I'm not
what's twice the hour
Sleep that's required
c'mon baby
light
my
fire.
The heat from the heavens
perspire
through dreams
Yet someday warm
will be this scene.

But I digress.
I've given the rest in detail
but this station
remains broken
a constant state of decay
spreading scents
like microwaves
censored stage
with nothing to say...
happy easter, by the way.

Hi. I'm definately not dead. Definately.

Thank you, friends, for putting up with my whining. I was feelings really Poe that night... I felt like I was never going to get well. Ever. I feel much better today then I have in... a week? Something like that. Less then a week. *EDIT* Oh! and SPECIAL THANKS to Dr. Amy. The concoction knocked me right out, my stomach doesn't hurt no more, and my throat is in really good condition!

I think a lot of good stuff is coming out of this. I've been forced lately to simply sit and think (being unable to do much more sometimes), and been praying more (in desperation, sure, but in more genuine prayer as well). And hey, whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right? Right?? *tugs at shirt collar* ...eeeeeeegh...

Also, I'm probably not spending as much money as I would otherwise be spending. I have a bunch o' dollars saved up, ready to pay a bunch o' bills soon enough! But it's good to know I have more then enough to get me through the month. You know, as long as my car doesn't break down, or my room isn't eaten by a space ship, or whatever. I need to clean my room.

I missed going out to the JAD pad this weekend. I was really looking foreward to it, but then the whole sickness thing got so bad... How did everything go? Was there a bonfire saturday?

I guess that's all I got. I'm, uh... I'm gonna go.

--michael

This idea just came to me, and I thought it was funny.

You take a little away from everyone else when you slowly squeek foreward... unless you're just really drowsy: then when you slowly squeek foreward, everyone else takes a little bit away from you.

...

Well, I understood it.

And now, ( Phish: )

--michael

I'm sick with something, but I don't know what. I've had a reoccurring fever for the last several weeks. This past fever has lasted for about three days, and has broken more then once (due to Ibuprofen use). However, I'm not using any more meds, because the last two doses of Ibuprofen were slightly more aggressive then normal, and I now have a sharp pain occuring at the esophogus end of my stomach (it hurts there after swallowing, even if I don't really swallow much of anything.) I haven't been able to sleep tonight due to the overwhelming pain that occurs in the back of my throat every time I swallow. I can't eat, either, due to the pain (both in my throat and partially my stomach), and I can swallow water or saliva only in agony. I tried to sleep for two to two-and-a-half hours; I simply can't try anymore. I wake up every ten minutes or so.

I know my illness rests mearly in the lower troposphere of trials, but it is still a problem that I simply am... afraid of dealing with. I don't have health insurance, and I don't know how much work I can afford to miss at the Olive Garden. I'm on the computer cause I simply need to shout and cry in frustration and desperation. Also, I'm going to try to research whatever it is that's disallowing me from living life the way I see fit.

Sorry for complaining. I had to complain to someone other then Katie, and it's really hard to talk.

--michael

p.s.: Oh, ps, Katie, I don't think I'll be seeing you today, unless I stop into Edinboro for an as of yet unset appointment with Dr. Amy.

*Edit* Did minimal research, and found I have symptoms similar to those found in strep throat and tonsillitus. Started to search for helth insurance for one of the two jobs I have... didn't really get anywhere. Took two more Ibuprofen. Now, my tummy rumbles, but I have no really appitite... I don't want to swallow, even though my swelling has gone down. Maybe I'll use the disgusting antisceptic throat spray so I can't feel my throat no more, then eat. Yay, food!

I was gonna post, then I didn't.

--michael





Heh, jus kinn.


Man, I'm tired. Ok, point number A) Tired!!! This tiredness is caused by having two practically full-time jobs (yay, responsibility!) In job number the first, I solder curcuit boards to oscillator bases. You figure it out. In job number the two, I buss. I amm a busser. At the Olive Garden. I dread going to work those days :-D It's really hard, and I've been chronically exhausted. I've also been noting despair creeping in, cause even though I'm busting my ass working, I'm still having trouble keeping up with bills. Must... have... sunny... disposition! I can't let my depression get the best of me, or I spend too much money... Oh, and depression isn't too healthy, I guess. Also contributing to my tiredness is my g'f, Katie! Right, point number 2) Katie!!! She's in Edinboro this weekend, though I'll be freakin working... but I ain't mad. I'll get to see her right after Amy's muffins. I seem so busy... which is part of the reason I've not been updating. Another reason is that I don't hold a really high oppinion of blogs, and when it comes down to it, would rather be living then writing. I've barely found time to practicing music. Yes! Point number D) Music!!! I've gotten exponentially better at Bass, Guitar, Drums, and Piano. Maybe you'll hear some soon... but probably not. I'm pretty lazy and busy. In fact, I'm done with this entry cause Katie's a more attractive prospect then continuing. Later!

--michael

These are the lyrics of two songs written by Maynard James Keenan. They are about his mother. I... want this CD. And I'm touched by these lyrics.
( Wings for Marie )

So... I had a good day at work. Not really, but it was work. And it's good to have work, right? Next, recycling cans for profit! Weedwacking, and possibly picking up stuff from/visiting Kate. God bless, everyone.

--michael

God, be with my friends. Make me humble. Make me be quiet, and don't let me say anything till You've approved it. Help me to not speak out angrily or foolishly against my friends or my enemies. Please be with those who love me, and with those who don't. God, lead us all. Protect us. Show us the truth, Your truth. Bless the relationships I have with my friends, Lord. Don't let our flaws come between us; help us work around them or through them. Give me strength, and give everyone else strength. Bless my decision making, Lord. Don't let me hold grudges. Help me appreciate Your truths. Help me appreciate the fact that good comes with the bad, and vice versa. Help me appreciate pain. Help me gain additional strengh, endurance, wisdom, and humility from it. Please, God, reveal Yourself. God, confirm Your truth in me, and bless my decisions. Protect and bless all those I touch; don't let my nature damage them. Change me, Lord. Transform me, always. Let me be as truthful and open as possible. Give me the courage and the strength to live truthfully and openly, to Your glory. Help me become humble. Make me humble. Defend me, please. Thank you Lord; You're a very gracious God. In Christ's name I pray.

--michael

:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-D :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

Stolen from one of the coolest humans in America. And sometimes, not in America.


Which File Extension are You?

--michael

Today

is going to be

a very

long


day


at work.

--michael

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their
conversational skills will be as important as any other.

THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

FOUR. When you say, "I love you," mean it.

FIVE. When you say,! "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.

SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.

EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams
don't have much.

NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the
only way to live life completely.

TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.

TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.

THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer,
smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"

FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk..

FIFTEEN. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.

SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson

SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for
others; and responsibility for all your actions.

EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps
to correct it.

TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.

Waah... I have stupid problems, and, if I actually have solutions, they're typically supid as well. Ok, BULLET POINT THYME!! ER, TIME!!

I have to go to the DMV today and renew my lisence. So, I'm sitting on the computer, typing about it.

I felt like relaxing last night, cause after driving almost all the way home from work, I had to turn around and go back to retrieve my clothes. So, I took a work friend to Andy's Pub where she proceeded to buy me three tequilas and two beers, and I smoked three cigarettes. For the first time ever, I got sick from alchohol poisening (I'm very disgusted with myself right now...).

I can't even think of anything to say about this last one... I'm totally... It's all... She's... sigh. Oh well. God knows what's up.

Look to the sky, saw my body die
Got to reappear up there
It's where I want to be
In the Universe-city
I've found my own college
I've found a way to resolve this --Dredg

I'm hungry. I'm tired and achy, too... I feel like crap, besides. Strangely optimistic, though. So nice for me. I want to fix everything, but I feel so small... God'll fix everything. Or not. "Who can straiten what God has made crooked?" If I know God, I know He'll take care of me; I know He'll make me stronger, nomatter the outcome of whatever. I'm ready for anything.

--michael

There's so much I want to say, to write, express... but I'm in no position to do so. I can't say anything, I feel like I can't talk, can't write, can't call because of the damage I've done, and the damage I may yet do. I just want to slink away, because something inside me screams "all or nothing", and I know neither is possible. I want to hide, but I can't. Please: tell me I can't/shouldn't hide. I need the reassurance. Oh, I wish I could control the forces inside me causing so many problems. There's to much inside such a small clay pot. I'm about to bust!!!

ACK. I'm going to sleep. I so want to sleep this all off. Sleep it away. Oh... For not havin any regrets, I sure have made a lot of mistakes...

--michael

This may have been one of the most potentially gut-wrenching weeks I've ever been challenged with. My step-grandfathers death coupled with my gramma's grief, discovering a beyond-wonderful girl and... loosing part of that. Add in a strang amount of emotional confrontations with different people, and one has a potent concoction. I'm so glad God is in control; if He wasn't, I don't know how I would function.

I heard a little girl
and what she said was something beautiful
"To give your love nomatter what"
is what she said

I love all of you
hurt by the cold
so hard and lonely, too
when you don't know yourself --Redhotchilipeppers

*sigh* for words. I don't want to type anymore. My friends... are awesome. Every single one of you. I really, really wish I could get out the things I want to say, what I want to convey. I'ma take a walk with friends, even though... I won't feel better...

--michael

OurHeroMaestro: *loads shotgun* now what have we learned, Michael?
Haven Icarius: Well, I think we're about to learn how useless guns are when telecommunication is involved.
OurHeroMaestro: actualy
OurHeroMaestro: what you learned is
OurHeroMaestro: never prank call the hospital but accidentally dial your deceased friend's phone numeber instead
OurHeroMaestro: for he will rise from the dead
OurHeroMaestro: and play along with your prank call
OurHeroMaestro: and make you feel awful
OurHeroMaestro: and all the while chuckle to his sick little self on the other end of the line
Haven Icarius: Boy, I sure won't do that again!

--michael

I got my cd's, hey, I got my cd's! Say what? I got my CD's, alright I got my CD's! I got some junk mail, ok, I got some junk mail, whatev, I got my junk mail, who cares, I got my CD's!!

I ordered three CD's (by artists "Lovespirals," "Mors Syphilitica," and "Mira,") and they just came in. I've been ultra eager to get these, and here they are!! In my lap!! w--t!!

And not only did I recieve some of the regular literature that comes with these kinds of deliveries, I also recieved half a page out of April 5th's New York Times as packing material!!...



...oh joy!!

--michael